I hope, that your story isn't my story. I hope that in your book of sad people running away, I don't see myself portrayed, please don't ever write again. Those lines they just seem to trace the roads that I've walked, and no they don't, they never run out of ink, so the pain keeps on being spilled in the paper, in my flesh, in the paper, in my flesh. It's a vicious circle and I can't get away, but I need to run away. Please stop writing, please stop telling me I'm dead. 

It's like putting rewind on your own mistakes, and pressing play over and over again. It's like scratching the wound so the mark is deeper. I keep fucking up everything I touch.

Fix me.

If there's ever a road to peace, I'd like to take that one, I'd like to believe that there are better things ahead than any we leave behind. I'd like to think, that you and I will find the way to leave aside all this pain we build inside. I'd like to believe that you will love me back and not because I say yes to your requests but because I am purely myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=5n19hMu4yW0

Nothing really matters, none of the stuff you care about, matters to us. It's funny, because most of us, or all of us are deeply wounded in our cores, we live on mountains of shattered dreams, superficial trash, restless bygones that torment us so they never really become bygones, and all because of you, because of the walls you used to strain us, because of the fancy visions you painted for each of us, because of all the shit you forced us to want just like you. It's funny cause we became your opposites. Probably after listening so much crap, so much fairytales and fantasies, we decided we didn't want to be wannabes of the grey monstrous jungle, we wanted to be individual, original, genuine, but most of the times we found ourselves limited by the love we had for you, and there's nothing we could do to save ourselves from the missinterpreted paths that this kind of life forces us to take. Aside of the future you made for me, aside of all the guilt you made me believe was mine, aside of all the silences I had force so I wouldn't hurt you, never in my life will I forgive you for what you've done today. You can care about fruits and vegetables, cars and gold, you can do whatever you want with my life, but I'm never forgiving you for today. The difference with you chosing my future before  and now is that yesterday I had accepted and I was willing to smile at life, now I'm just in a state of constant rage until I run away.

Endings are never really endings

And now, as I take my baggage down the new road, I think of the new rules that will help me in this journey; first of all, to hold no grudge of the past, of any mistakes, of what I believed unfair, of the falls or the dissapointments; also to smile, as many times as possible; to say yes to new opportunities and most important to try my best to achieve them all; to learn from the people I admire the most, the ones I love for everything they do; to hold on to all those strings that made me happy, that made me strong; to share this journey with each person that I cherish; to take a picture of each moment I wish to treasure, even if they are simply on my mind, I shall never let them slip away; to laugh; to hope; o dance; to be the person I always wanted to be and not the person that is taken over by hatred, by remorse, by misery; to enjoy music as much as possible and maybe even create some; to never let go of art and try to make it have a major role in my life; to enjoy nature and each of its miracles; to love you endurably and to be able to show it, without shame, without doubt; to always inspire and encourage; to make people happy and to be happy and even if I stumble upon hate, pain, resentment, I shall fight it off my life and breathe, always breathe.

Silence

I feel as if you're fading
with the long goodbyes that slip with the wind that skims the music around
I feel as if you're waving and each time you take a step back
until you're just a small shadow in the distance
And still I come home wishing to see your horse at the front door
But there's nobody there, only the leaves that I crash so I don't have to hear
So I don't have to hear that you`re not here
Still, I wake up and take my endless hair out the window
So you can use it as a rope
A rope to come back home, 'cause I know this is where you belong
But I stand there waiting with the tiny tiny hope that the touch I feel is not the air saying you're alone, you're alone, I wait and wait and count the stars so time passes by until you reach back, but never have the starts seemed so infinite
Momma says I always saw the sky dark because I had enough light in my life, because I did not need the starts to guide me, and that now I see them all clear because I'm lost without you here, without you here says the silence and it won't stop, it just won't stop.

"You once told me, our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch. Is that true for everybody, or is it just poetic bullshit?"

"Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it. Because nobody else will. Like when someone comes into your life and half of you says you're nowhere near ready, but the other half says: make her yours forever."

"It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live that our death brings no pleasure in the world."

.-Joh Steinbeck

Who do you wanna be?

There's a sun out there waiting for each of us every single day, waiting to reflect the specks that make us unique but its like we embrace being shadows, we rejoice our space far from the spot light, we portray ourselves in low resolution unabling anyone to see any details we hide. Inside we are rotting but as long as our shell is protecting us and nobody tries to peel off our layers we feel safe. Safe but weak,we are cowards. We are those kind of people who stand in line waiting for God to arrive bearing gifts, we patiently wait with the hope that sometime we will walk out of our shelters and find a big sign saying: "Here is were we grant all your wishes, be the star of your own life"; knowing not that those who've achieved their goals, are those who forged their destiny, ignoring that the path that we are taking was chosen only by ourselves and is not just a matter of circumstances and chances and possibilities and limitations, its about ourselves and our fears. People who succed are people who are not fearless, but they are corageous, they are willing to fail, they are those who have the greatest fears but they go first in line to buy as much tickets as possible to try over and over again to overcome them, they are willing to fall and let everyone point them out with their evil smiles as long as it will take them to their place of peace, of happinnes. We, on the other hand, we convince ourselves that we are one step closer each day while instead we are dying a little more each second, we look at our fears right in the core of their eyes and we let them manipulate us, we let them reach our deepest emotions and play with them, we are puppets of our own  monsters, we are puppets of the world's expectations and our inability to listen any judgments because we've tasted bitterness before, we've tasted failure and it was just too much for ourselves, so we chose the easy road, silent, dark and constant.

Sabotage

All these messed up trails, they don't lead anywhere. I've been wandering the streets, hoping blissfully that as everyone says, they will lead me to Rome and I will find my home. But so far, I've seen the drinkers, the unscrupulous men selling little girls, I've been in the storm while it took away everything that they had, I saw them crying cause one looked at me right in the eye, I saw his life and his future, but I didn't dare to help him out. I wanted to ask for directions but I've got a thing with affection,and all this, all that, all this being lost and not found  it all comes back to you.

Maybe our favorite quotations say more about us than about the stories and people we're quoting.-John Green

I would do anything for you-Foster the people

Everyday is a battle I face
Strange life I live, but it's what you've decided
I give it all into your hands
Do what you will with me
And I'll, I'll smile when you speak
Remember those times when I was hoping for something?
And shaking my head from all that I've done
But you never left me


I'd give it up for you
I'd do anything for you

My personal Buddha

"Tha Post"

The minute you lay expectations on the people you love, you constrain them to a life inside a narrowed bottle, where, if they love you back, they do as much as they can to please you, even if that means being carried away from the path of dreams. I think, sometimes expectations mislead us, they trick us into doing things we don't love but still, we try our best to fulfil them cause it means that we're making someone happy. Its a sacrifice, its the life of a martyr. Sometimes I think what would it be if we didn't have those limits? What would be if we had no attachments, would we be free? Or can we be free without needing to please our loved ones? So ask yourself, if you wanna live life for yourself, or you want to live for someone else?

Te amo.

What a shame, we all become such fragile broken things

When I go to sleep at night, I always wish that as soon as I cover myself with the blank sheets, they will clear my head, they will take away these thoughts of mine, these thoughts I would never want for anyone else, I wish that they'd make me pure, innocent, fresh, I wish they'd take me back to some other time when everything was better, happier, easier. The thing is, there was no such time, it was only that I was apt to playing someone else's games, its just that I had back up and now I've got nothing, I don't even have the will to follow the lead, I'm tired of doing so and still being lonely, I'm tired of being the third player in a game for two, I always feel like I'm stepping into someone else's life, unwelcome but yet most of them find the way to get through all my regular inconveniences and accept me, help me. But I'm sick of that, I feel pity for all those who feel forced to welcome me and I admire them but I also feel exhausted of being the one who's always left out, cause lets face it I don't belong there, never will I belong there. That's why, at night I always cover myself up, hoping that the sheets will dry my tears and maybe take me somewhere very far from here.

Caterpillar in the tree
How you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far but you can always dream

If you can see it in my eyes, please do help me out

Noches eternas sobre las que miente a los demás, les dice que se quedó hasta tarde viendo las estrellas y por eso le arde la mirada. Dulce secreto que esconde en su interior, tan dulce que es más bien amargo y salpica en su sangre quemándole cualquier intento de resignarse al dolor. No, no podes, es parte de vos, aunque le grites a los vientos, tu llanto solo como un eco ininteligble se escuchará y con mucha suerte algunos te preguntarán: Dijiste algo? Pediste ayuda? Y cuando veas a los lobos en la oscuridad amenazandote con sus ojos escarlata vas a reprimirte y responder: Estoy bien. Pero sabés que necesitás hablar, necesitas que alguien te escuche pero el miedo a que se rían con sus rostros de adultos sabiossabelotodo te empuja hacia adentro del placard y te ahoga en tu propia mente, tan poco fría, tan llena de sentimientos que no comprendes, tan, tan incomprendible que convierte tu nombre en un anagrama con muchas respuestas inútiles, inútiles.

After all this drama is shred apart, 

Will I still find you by my side?

The art of getting by

Sally Howe: I have fears but I thought they were pretty run-of-the-mill: pain, death.

George Zinavoy: Not me. I fear life.
-
George Zinavoy: I have no idea what I'm doing here.

Dustin: I don't think anybody does, at least you admit it.

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

Tenerle miedo a la muerte mientras se vive. Sentir que no sos dueño de tu propia vida. Dudar de quien sos. Apegarse a las etiquetas que nos ponen los demás por miedo a ser la nada misma. Inseguridad. Vulnerabilidad excesiva. Mostrar al público todos los síntomas de un alma atormentada y aún así nunca dejarse ayudar, nunca revelar por completo lo que piensa, reservárselo para sobrecargar el peso sobre los hombros, la culpa, el resentimiento, el miedo. Y así, estancarse en una vida monótona que raramente alguien más tendría el coraje de calificarla como tal. Al fin y al cabo, le tenes miedo a la muerte pero estas muriendo en vida.

Linger-The Cranberries

Please don't stand so close to me, I can take the words but not the touch. Please don't walk away from me, Having you is having peace in the rotted past that tormented my mind, Like scars were finally healing and as your fingers dance in the surface that covers my once wounded flesh, I get goosebumps but not the scary ones, they  feel just like when I was fifteen and we were standing at the crossroads about to say goodbye, while we were just saying hello to a new life together, you pulled me close, held my hand and brushed your fingers like soft paintbrushes through my cheek and then through my lips, while you slowly approached and I took your air in to feel that we were bounded, that we were inside each other because we were. The moment you kissed me, I new this ride wouldn't be over soon, that's how I feel now, once again, after all this time, after all these years, we're back together, taking baby steps to a new road, by your hand but never really with you. I guess, after all we've been through this is as best as we can get. Thank you.

The mere thought of the future makes me tremble, it is tormenting my present and making me grieve for a life I have not yet built. So I chose to keep my distance from the days ahead, and become stagnated in these meaningless days in which everything comes to an end. No one will have to worry because I wont say goodbye yet.

Let art be a part of your life.

Art has no limits. It's what keeps us human, what keeps us true to ourselves, to our essence. Never underestimate the power of the arts, it has the power to depict man as it is, as it was created and as each of us would like to be. Never let yourself loose the art that is in you, believe me, it comes in each of us, in different forms, but we all have a thing for art. Let it take you to new places, let it break the limits that you've put to yourself, boundaries..they organize us, they  make as objects, art is limitless. Art keeps us human. Art is purely what lies in our souls shadowed, covered with a veil. So tear apart the curtains that hide your soul, and let art be a part of your life.

People haven't always been there for me, but music has-T.S

Pareciera que las canciones aparecen con la melodía de tu vida, para darte un mensaje, para que reconozcas lo que está pasando. La música es una magia, la única que nunca va a ir a destiempo con vos.

Helplessly hoping
Her harlequin hovers nearby
Awaiting a word
Gasping at glimpses
Of gentle true spirit
He runs, wishing he could fly
Only to trip at the sound of good-bye


Wordlessly watching
He waits by the window
And wonders
At the empty place inside
Heartlessly helping himself to her bad dreams
He worries
Did he hear a good-bye? Or even hello?


They are one person
They are two alone
They are three together
They are four for each other


Stand by the stairway
You'll see something
Certain to tell you confusion has its cost
Love isn't lying
It's loose in a lady who lingers
Saying she is lost
And choking on hello


They are one person
They are two alone
They are three together
They are four for each other

Someone like you-Adele

We were born and raised
In summer haze
Bound by the surprise
Of our glory days
I hate to turn up out of the blue
Uninvited, but I couldn't stay away
I couldn't fight it I'd hoped 
you'd see my face
And that you'd be reminded
That for me, it isn't over, yeah

You never begin to comprehend the losses of life until you've lived enough to need those things back.

Is it fair to say, that no strings hold me back to this place? Is it fair to say, I've got nothing,truly nothing that will take me back there? Probably the comfort of routine and knowing everybody, but that is also what encourages me even more to get away from there. It's a chapter of my life I have already closed, and I'm not willing to look back. Maybe, next year when my doubts begin to invade my mind, I will. I will open that book and smile, because deep inside I know there are so much memories I'm leaving behind. I know, that place, as much as I hate it is what build my personality, even if I don't like it either, that place is my home. I don't fear the near future, I fear mostly growing up, but even worst, I fear that in a future I will regret having said all these things because I will eventually miss the space it had in my heart. 

Vos, lee

Si te perdés en las memorias de un pasado que ya cicatrizó, entonces solo al vacío vas a llegar, para darte cuenta que ese pasado no significó tanto como crees y todo fue un simple traspiés que dolió tanto solo porque el o la que te trataba de levantarte estaba tan o más abatido que vos. 

I can't stop loving you with half of my heart

I'm so sorry, I thought you'd fit perfectly in my fairytale.
Guess my heart don't want, what my head needs most.
Guess my head doesn't need what my heart wants most.
But I can't do nothing, not even love you more.
But I can't do nothing, not even leave you cause I'll crawl.

How can I ever be beautiful if I never believed in standards of beauty?

Nunca voy a ser como los demás quieren, nisiquiera como yo quiero. Entonces, qué mierda hago? Me siento incómoda conmigo misma en todo sentido, juro que trato con toda de evadirlo y pensar como mis ideales dicen...o decían nosé pero odio ser como soy, odio mi cuerpo y mi cara, odio mi persona. Soy una fucking decepción. MIERDA

Tip: The A Team by Ed Sheeran 

It's hard enough on all of us.

Yου Ɩеt mе іחtο уουr life οח a whim
Aחԁ tһеrе wаѕ magic аחԁ fire іח tһе night
Iח loving I wаѕ јυѕt a ƖіttƖе boy
I mаԁе mistakes tһаt caused уου ѕο much pain
AƖƖ I know іѕ tһаt I’m older now

Sοmе people tһіחk tһаt іt’s best tο refrain frοm tһе conventions οf οƖԁ-fashioned Ɩονе
Tһеіr hearts аrе filled wіtһ holes аחԁ emptiness
Tһеу tеƖƖ themselves tһаt tһеу′re tοο young tο settle down
Girl I promise уου I’m older now

Aחԁ tһіѕ һаѕ bееח hard enough οח уου
I know іt’s bееח hard enough οח mе
Bееח telling myself tһаt I саח roll wіtһ tһе changes

Everyone needs riot

"Los zorros del desierto de Sechura aúllan como demonios cuando llega la noche, ¿sabés por qué?: para quebrar el silencio que los aterroriza"...Él tenía ganas de gritar para que la vida brotara en ese cuarto, donde todo parecía muerto.-
Mario Vargas Llosa, La ciudad y los perros

Es verdad, el silencio no es más que silencio, y aún así te desmorona, te aniquila, tuerce tus heridas más oscuras, las más escondidas; deja que te carcoman en el interior, que se multipliquen en todo tu cuerpo y ataquen a cada parte de él hasta que no tengas salida, hasta que tu rostro te acuse de cobarde y tus acciones de inútil. El silencio nos quiebra porque el silencio no es más que la verdad, porque vamos...Todos sabemos que nadie tiene una pista de qué hacemos acá, y llenamos el espacio de relleno insignificante para contener el miedo que nos apabulla. Yo tengo miedo de perderte por completo, por eso lleno mi presente con recuerdos del pasado, para dibujar una ilusión que más remedio no tiene, más remedio no tenemos. Lleno mi presente de guirnaldas que nunca existieron entre nosotros y me aprovecho a más no poder de esta arma de doble filo que nos une, para encontrarte entre los que vomitan sangre noche y día, entre los que vomitan sus emociones porque no las pueden contener en su interior sin que lo destruyan. Y bueno, la vida tiene un tinte bastante paródico si nos ponemos a pensar, pero nadie quiere pensar, nadie quiere escuchar que estamos solos asique sigamos haciendo ruido.

People who makes us happy are never the ones you expect, so when you find someone, you've got to cherish it.

Blackbird

Blackbird singing in the dead of night.

 Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

I'm scared of where it may lead
There's a part of me that never wants to leave
It's the fear of knowing you're gone, but your footprint is still set on the stone
On the Wall of Fame, or the Wall of Shame
And still I want to let go
I watch you walk the hallways day by day
Your beauty never goes away
I see you all grown, enjoying the easy paths with some bumps put aside
I see you live, I see you do what I never did
And I realize I'm never gonna be a part of that whole
Sometimes I wish it was someone else watching,
but it's been this way all my life.
I've been on the rise but never with a true smile
Just hiding the angst that I've made on my own
Shuttering the resentment I have for you all
I know it's not you that bother me, I know it's myself
and I want to break free
But not one of these days have I walked the same way, than all you did
I feel I was born backwards, and that's why I'll never fit in.
I know you stare at me sometimes, I see you behind this mask,
It's like this look of pity, as if you praying for me,
Mercy, mercy, please Lord be merciful to her
I know you see me feel alone
I try to act but it just shows, at least to you
But there's nothing I can do
Not until I get to leave this room
I just want to leave. I really do want to leave.
Hoping there's a space for me outside this fields.

You don't care, in reality nobody cares. But you especially don't care

El hecho de que haya intento o no, tiene mucha importancia queridos pocos y afortunados seguidores, porque te demuestra si a ese alguien le importa o no, si no trata es porque no le importa (al menos no cuanto vos queres que le importe) nosé si me siguen pero basicamente nada, no te importa y punto.

Pd. Hacer una entrada tan chota sin esmero alguno es todo un tema de darle sentido a lo que digo, va con el mensaje....y además que nada estoy en crisis y tenía ganas de hablar sola un rato. Chau, gracias por escucharme, leerme, por nada

All we ever do is say goodbye

We're just ordinary people, you and me.

Time will turn us into statues, eventually.

Is it too late to remind you how we were?

Por un instante miro atrás y sonrío, como nunca antes sonrío. Nos veo a nosotros dos, caminando en silencio de cómplices mirando al suelo, tentados por la risa que tiembla por dentro en cada uno, y sin querer nuestras miradas chocan.

Compartimos un mundo de canciones que reflejaban todo lo que nunca nos quisimos decir, compartimos melodías que apaciguaban nuestros sufrimientos, compartimos letras que fueron hechas para nosotros, casi como si nuestro molde hubiera sido meticulosamente pensado para entrar en esa canción. Nos entendíamos en nuestra locura, en nuestra ira, nos victimizamos a más no poder. Eramos adolescentes y queríamos adolecer, nuestro amor era nuestra fantasía, utópica, surreal, única. Y aún lo es. 

You could be happy and I won't know

But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wish I had not said
Are played on lips 'til it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were?
But not our last days of silent, screaming blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world 

I want to be skinny. I want to be pretty.

It's sad but it's true. 

Vulnerability: Missunderstood

She wanders restlessly the streets of a life she does not believe in. To her, all this is fantasy, all this is a mere reflection of someone's dreams. A dreamer who forgot the ones that were in it. Inside, she feels like a trashed queen, doesn't know what its like to be seventeen. But this illusion is a blur so she cares about nothing, not about the pedestals and prices, not about the mendacious faces smiling, she cares about nothing. Don't you see? Doesn't anybody see? Everything she touches, goes to waste. Everyone that comes to her, goes away. A train wreck does not even begin to describe what she has become. She's got an apetite for destruction, it's almost corrosive. Don't you dare look her in the eye, she drains the soul away from every living thing around, until she's left alone. All she wants is to be left alone so don't you dare to walk by her side.  Oh, dreamer where art though? Where did you go? We're losing touch. 

Can't count on people

Nunca antes nos hubieramos imaginado a nuestras almas barrenando en mares de máscaras muertas sin expresión alguna. Nunca antes hubiera creído que este mundo daba refugio también a los demonios del pasado. Nunca antes hubiera creído que lo que creemos que es una tierra de paz y de redención, es un purgatorio sin lujurios, sin opción de salida, es una bartolina en las condiciones más precarias donde cada uno sueña hasta donde su limitada mente de salvaje le permite y sueña con lo propio, sueña con que lo tiene todo y con que no, sueña con sus felicidades y sus tragedias, pero sueña sin pensar en el otro, sueña más que nada con soberbia. Son mazmorras secas, cuyos murales angostos cobran vida de noche para acosar a quien se encuentre adentro. Murales repletos de imágenes debastadoras, imágenes que matan, que delatan la realidad, acusan a la víctima y liberan al bandido. Nunca antes hubieramos creído que Dios nos abandonó aquí, nos endulzamos con la inocente idea que nos había adentrado a un mundo de imaginación con el propósito de evitar cualquier sufrimiento, con el propósito de enceguecernos. Pero ya estamos grandes, y elegimos que ver y que creer.

Its the fear of being alone, that told me not to let you go.

"It had never occurred to me that our lives, which had been so closely interwoven, could unravel with such speed. If I'd known, maybe I'd have kept tighter hold of them and not let unseen tides pull us apart. "

-Never Let Me Go

Standing at the crossroads

Some people were not born this kind of life. I think most of us aren't. We eventually find ourselves committed to a life that we never wished, maybe others did meant it for us, but it was never in our minds to become lawyers fully compromised to the work, to become a bank manager that stays until 2 am in the office, to become a body that satisfies a system. The thing is many of us are limited by the fear of not being able to support a life with all its basic needs, many of us fear that one day that person that subsidies our life in material terms will no longer do that, many of us are limited by the expectations of our parents. Parents don't understand this "radical" kind of life, when you become a parent your happiness lies in the lives of your children, you want them to be happy, to be safe. Some prefer safe, and they believe that strength for this type of system, for this world, strength is build with a title, with a job, with money enough. Everyday, as I take a leap into the future, as I approach the day that I will take a step on my own, I fear more. I fear that I will not live a happy life, that I will live they life they wanted me to, and eventually become depressed about it and lose all motivations, and just live to die. Or I fear that I will not satisfy my parents, that I will not make them happy, that I will not do the sacrifice they've made for me all my life. I fear life.

In the end, the only steps that matter

Are the ones you take by yourself.

-The Weepies

Daughter to father

Mrs. Darling: There are many different kinds of bravery. There's the bravery of thinking of others before one's self. Now, your father has never brandished a sword nor fired a pistol, thank heavens. But he has made many sacrifices for his family, and put away many dreams.
Michael: Where did he put them?
Mrs. Darling: He put them in a drawer. And sometimes, late at night, we take them out and admire them. But it gets harder and harder to close the drawer... He does. And that is why he is brave.

Peter Pan.-

Daddy taught me a lesson. I still can't figure it out, but he did. He told me once in his life, he was this popular guy in a way, he had friends from all over and he enjoyed this part of life. However, he told destiny had different path for him, destiny wanted him to be someone else, fate wanted him to be rather skeptical and suspicious about people themselves. One day the brother of whom he called his best friend failed him, but he really failed him. He betrayed him and his family and unaware of how things had happen, dad could not believe again in any of them, not his best friend or his brother. He just didn't believe in people anymore. He could not believe that there was hope for them, he believed that people were bound fail each other. Months later, his best friend died but by the time my dad had taken distance from him and his friends. A series of tragic events followed in his life, as if all the people who could possibly make him change his mind, were bound to go, to leave him. His dad did, because he had bigger issues up high, his sister did because she could not handle the death of their father, his mother did because she was too depressed. But also in this time, he met mom. My mom. And today they have 10 children. Life has taken so much my dad, it had destroyed his hope, taken his loved ones, vanished his goals, twisted his course and yet he drew the knife from his back and kept his feet on the ground. He stood up to life, which seemed more like death, he kept strong and even if he showed no faith in humanity, he always kept it alive. He sat for years holding his dad's hand until he left, he helped his mom and still today when he's alone he cries for them. And he found someone who made him happy, who brought him back to life, someone who he loved, someone with who he wanted to make more life, give back what was taken away from him.

My father is the bravest person I'll ever meet.

One for Bon Iver

Luckless Romance

And I wish that we could go back and say

"Let's not do this, we will break each other's heart"

I wish that I could give back all those times you made me feel right

Cause this, you and I, we will never be one

Cause you, you and me we are not meant to be.

I wish that I could go back and say to myself don't follow that path,

girl you're going down.

His heart is an open wound and yours an iced stone

Haunting for pain in other people's eyes.

Girl don't go there, it will ache so hard

Cause he'll never love you like you want

He'll never understand

And you will never be who he needs.

Ignorance is bliss

El problema no es tener sueños de alto rango, el problema no es vivir ilusionando. El problema es no ser realista sobre lo que se requiere para alcanzar esos sueños, el problema es no reconocer lo que en verdad hay que hacer para llegar lejos. El problema es ser un sueño viviente, que el camino previo al deseo sea útopico, irreal y que uno no lo pueda ver, eso es el problema. No el gran sueño.

"the dreams were a satisfactory hint of the unreality of reality"

Balde de agua fría

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, I've been afraid of changin'
Cause I've built my life around you
But time gets bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too

So take this love and take it down
Yeah, and if you climb a mountain and you turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well, the landslide brought it down

Landslide-Fleetwood Mac

It almost seems that this song now has a whole new meaning for me, it's no longer about love, it's no longer about you, it's about life itself and the things I take for granted cause it's only now that you told me that I bring my feet back on the ground, or at least somewhere near. I didn't want to hear it, I still do not want to accept it but it's true, I've built my around the impossible, you send me far away and I got comfortable, I made the most of it, almost too much, even if I still do not fit in, even if I will never fit in, I've made the few good things I've got in this life out of that far place you never liked. You gave me all the chances that I complained I didn't have. And I blamed it all on you, always on you, thinking you were putting all the blame of your mistakes on me. So I kept on, rejecting all the roads you built for me, "I climbed a mountain and I turned around", and now I'm building new things on more impossible grounds but because I convinced myself I wont fit anywhere else. I just don't fit, not near, not far. And maybe that's why Im getting cold feet about the future, cause I dont think I will ever fit. But it's true, "I've been afraid of changing because I've built my life around you" but I cant keep hanging from you, you all have your futures figured out, and Im not part of them, not like now.

Summer, where did you go?

Te vi irte sin darte vuelta, sin dudar de tu retirada y me pregunté como sería cuando todo de verdad terminase. ¿Qué le vamos a decir a nuestros "yo" del pasado cuando nos pregunten porque nunca más nos volvimos a reencontrar? Les diremos que estabamos muy ocupados con nuestras descarriladas vidas como para pensar en el otro, les diremos que estabamos despavilados en el auge de nuestra juventud, que estabamos demasiado contentos en nuestra dulce miseria como para siquiera atrevernos a observar que ocurría con el otro. Me asusté al pensar que podía pasar de nuevo, todo de nuevo, pero me asusta también saber que nunca más nos vamos a encontrar.

The future is still unwritten

Solo quiero saber lo que quiero de esta vida, que espero de ella, que quiero hacer con ella. Esta sensación de estar esperando que el viento me sople a mi destino sólo me hace sentirme más pérdida. Quiero volver a ese tiempo cuando entendía porque hacía lo que hacía, quiero acordarme de las cosas que hacian valer la pena mi esfuerzo. Quiero volver a ese tiempo cuando sentía que todo lo podía. Es tan irónico que lo que vengo esperando por años, esa sensación de libertad, de descargar todo lo que por tantos años rechacé, es lo que más me da miedo ahora y no sé como controlarlo, se está apoderando de mí como a un títere, y no puedo hacer nada más que sentir impotencia. Impotencia.

I fucking hate this feeling.

What is freedom to you?

All good things are wild and free

It's only after we lose everything that we're free to do anything.

It's kind of easy when you've got nothing cause nothing can be taken away from you

Dont you wish you could go back to when you hadn't lost anything?

It seems to me we no longer know what we're searching for. It seems to me we are lost rather than trapped in a jail. It seems there is a distortion of what freedom is. But then again, who am I to say what that is? Is it embracing nature as it comes? Is it being able to do whatever you want and having no strings pulling you back? Is it being different and not being labelled? Is it being with the one you want? Probably everyone has their own version of freedom, and that's why it transcends over history but still I haven't found what it means to me. For some of my biggest wishes I have to let go of all that I have and start over on my own, and as much that sounds like freedom, it sometimes seems I would lose the few freedom I've got.

Dreams

De repente, esa ilusión que había comenzado a dibujarse en mi libro, se destiñó por un balde de agua fría, cuyas olas chocaban contra la tinta húmeda escurriendo toda posibilidad de concretar la vida utópica que había construido mientras estaba sumergida en plena ingenuidad.

Durante un suspiro, anhele ese pasado que a pronta vista tenía más puertas para descubrir, pero me enseñaron a respirar y a no suspirar por mucho tiempo. Me enseñaron a optar por la cerradura pequeña, me enseñaron que debía usar la llave que ellos quisieran.

Reflection, do you love me?

Bueno fin de semana breakdown, siento la necesidad de escribir acá tantas cosas asique robo la idea de una amiga:

1. Amo a mi familia más que a nada en el mundo pero muchas veces tomo demasiada confianza y no los trato lo mejor que puedo.

2.Tiendo a hacer las cosas a medias.

3.Tengo memoria selectiva.

4.Mi vida gira en torno a este blog aunque no lo crean, siempre vengo acá esperando que alguien en el mundo escuche mis patéticos lamentos y sino sólo los escribo en borradores para sacarmelo de encima.

5.Aprendí a pretender bastante bien aunque no puedo evitar tener breakdowns

6.Este fin de semana no paré de llorar (fucking hormones)

7.Sé que mis problemas son más que estúpidos frente a lo que vive mucha gente, pero no puedo evitar estar mal.

8.Siempre que encuentro alguien que me gusta de verdad, lo echo a perder por miedo.

9.Odio tener a mis pocas amigas tan lejos.

10.Odio que me hayan mandado a ese colegio.

11.Nunca voy a dejar de pensar lo que pudo haber sido mi vida si no iba a ese colegio.

12.Desde el año pasado que perdí toda motivación que alguna vez tuve.

13.Hago lo que hago para sobrevivir y no porque se lo debo a alguien.

14.Cada día me siento peor conmigo misma sabiendo que doy para más y no estoy haciendo todo por mis papás.

15.Encontré una persona PERFECTA y la dejé ir.

16.Odio la palabra futuro pero no veo la hora de empezar otra vida.

17.Odio ser tan indecisa

18.Odio haber cambiado tanto por ese colegio.

19.Nunca voy a entender que fue lo que sentí por vos, pero de verdad que me afectó.

20. Cada año me siento más sola

21.Cada año me arrepiento más de sentarme en la comodidad en vez de hacer mil cosas para conocer gente.

22.Admiro a mis papás mas que a nadie, son las personas más fuertes que conozco

23. Aunque algunos no crean, soy muy tímida y no sé como hablar con la gente por miedo a que piensen mal de mi

24.Siempre quise ser la que no le importaba nada y me terminó importando lo que no tenía que importarme y no lo que sí.

25.Soy una persona muy estúpida físicmente. No puedo evitarlo

26.Amaría vivir viajando y tener mi casa en San Martín de los Andes con vista a las montañas y al lago

27. Me gustaría estudiar literatura e historia de las artes. Amo conocer a través de la música, o los libros o las obras como la gente vivió en diferentes épocas.

28.Probablemente elija mi carrera en base a lo que mis papás esperan de mí y no lo que quiero pero tampoco sé que quiero.

29.Estoy esperando que sea sábado solo para verte y que me digas un lindo y enorme SI

30.De las personas con las que estuve, sos la que mas me gusta tal como sos.

31.La música tiene demasiado poder sobre mí, es casi molesto, me cambia el humor.

32.Tengo la esperanza de que mañana mamá me va a dejar faltar pero en realidad sé que no hay chances y aún así no hago nada..

33.Siento que mañana voy a seguir llorando si voy al colegio.

34.Le tengo mucho miedo a la muerte.

35.Ultimamente vengo condicionando mi vida en base a los demás, sin pensar que esos demás no hacen lo mismo por mi.

36.Me haces sentir tan fea

37.Envidio tu dedicación

38.Desde que fui a Entre Ríos, sé que quiero abrir todas las fundaciones u hogares posibles para la gente que no tiene donde vivir.

39.Quiero tener una familia tan grande como la mía.

40.Quiero ser tan fuerte como mi mamá

41.Quiero volver a hacer más cosas con mi papá

42.Espero algún día saber que quiero de esta vida y poder cumplirlo.

43.Hoy no duermo....

44.Cagate en mí blog, gracias por dejarme poner fotos..

Y si soñamos, fue con realidades.

Juan Cunha.-

A pair of star-crossed lovers

Just because you say it, it's not gonna make me feel any safer

Just because I try, it doesnt' mean it will work out

Just because we like each other, doesn't mean we are meant to be.

Maybe we are just a small piece of each other's puzzle of life

Maybe we are nothing

Maybe we shouldn't be trying if we were never aligned...

Come on skinny love just last the year, pour a little salt we where never here

Pledged.

The scars of your love remind me of us,
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
I can't help feeling,
We could have had it all,
Rolling in the deep,
You had my heart inside your hand,
And you played it to the beat,

You couldn't keep me around if you tried

Es ésto lo que nos queda? Después de batallas a campo abierto y encuentros a escondidas, ésto es todo lo que nos queda? Comunicarnos a través de un hilo y un par de latas? Un hilo tan largo, tan infinito que a veces me olvido de esperar tu llamado, que a veces escucho lo que quiero escuchar y no lo que queres decir. Es como recibir un telegrama y escuchar las señales de atrás para adelante. Y es que no sé como hacer, muchas veces les afirmé, que parte de mi olvido eras y era la única parte en la que parte tenías, pero como ves doy vueltas ante tu nombre, me escabullo y no respondo, pero nunca dejo de escuchar, necesito saber. Dejaste una marca en mí y no lo puedo evitar, porque en todo lo que hago, vos aún estás aunque jamás estés. Sos como un tatuaje sin devolución, una quemadura sin solución, una huella dentro de mi. Y aunque no lo veas, aunque yo no lo vea y nadie lo vea, en cada paso que doy me retumba tu voz. Sos la razón por la que escribo, sos la razón por la que nunca sigo ese camino, sos la razón y no lo puedo evitar. No lo puedo evitar.

I wouldn't mind reading: How do live for dummies

Why do we break in sorrow when the world's alive? Why do filter only the memories that make us sad? Why do we look to fight what is right? Why do we stumble all the time?

Do you ever look in the mirror and feel that reflection loves you back? Do you ever deny to lend something because you don't want the other one to look pretty in that? Do you ever hide yourself for some time so that no one can see the scars that bind you to the past?

Do you ever get in a room and feel the walls are whispering about you? If so, have you ever thought your conscience was paying you back for what you've done? Do you ever blind yourself to escape some people's eyes?

Do you ever smile so hard you just want to cry? Do you ever wear a mask? Do you ever feel like you want to run so that you don't have to look for solutions?

What is meaningless and what is not? How do we control the feelings that just pop out of our souls? How do we stop if we know is not worth it? How do we make the most? How do you get to enjoy if you are so caught up fixing up all that is wrong? How do you live?

"I write only because
There is a voice within me
That will not be still"
— Sylvia Plath

But I can't regret what I did for the limelight

-Kiss today goodbye, and point me towards tomorrow

We did what we had to do

Can't regret what I did for love.

No me importaría dejar todo aca, no me importaría hacer solo lo que me va ayudar a salir bien de acá, porque en realidad no pierdo mucho, no pierdo nada, las únicas que tengo no las voy a perder. No me importaría dejar las salidas por un año, no me importaría olvidarme de todos los demás por un año, más cuando estoy acostumbrada a estar sola. No me importaría, pero a veces pierdo el foco y no veo el objetivo, a veces pierdo el foco y no veo esperanzas. Pero sé que algún día quiero estar lejos de todo esto. Quiero ser otra persona, quiero brillar, I WANT to BE someone, I WANT the limelight, se que suena fuerte, pero quiero alguien que pueda inspirar a otro, quiero significar algo para alguien, quiero ir más allá, quiero probar cosas, quiero vivir y no ser sólo un nombre. Quiero ser tantas cosas, pero tantos quieren que sea algo diferente.

Incluso cuando no muevo un pelo se me va todo al carajo. fuck everyone, no apta para pelotudeces.

Under your thumb I can't breathe

I can't give you what you think you gave me.
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables,

Wake up call

Algunas memorias están para recordarnos que no todo es ni será como queremos, algunas personas están para recordarnos la capacidad que tenemos para hacer mal, algunos milagros ocurren para recordanos que todavía hay esperanza. Algunas cosas se desbordan solo para demostrarnos que no tenemos tanto poder como creemos, para recordarnos que el destino puede más que nuestra voluntad, aunque... no siempre.

La verdad es que no sé que hacer con vos, hago todo para que no estes mal, busco formas de hacerte feliz pero estas resentida y enojada con la vida, sin que nadie te pida, te refregás lo que no tenes, vivís constantemente quejándote de lo que no tenes y lo que no pudiste hacer, sin que nadie te lo remarque, completamente ignorante de todo lo que lograste, de todo lo que significas para nosotros, de la influencia que tenes, y de todo lo que podrías tener si no estuvieras en ese estado de capricho bombardeando todo lo que te rodea. Y ¿qué poder tengo yo en vos? Si me tratas como una nena, si cada oportunidad que te busco la evadis. Y a veces creo que si no te fuiste hasta ahora, es porque evadiste el riesgo,capaz por no dejarnos a nosotros, capaz por la comodidad que tenes acá, pero esto ya está fuera de nuestras manos, ninguno de nosotros, ni como padres o hermanos podemos ayudarte a hacer lo que no hiciste en 10 años, porque claramente es algo personal. Fuera de esto, yo voy a seguir tratando de ayudarte pero requiere voluntad, de tu parte, y tampoco voy a seguir negando ni escondiendo mis pequeños sorbos de felicidad porque a vos te hagan mal, porque vos decidis que te hagan mal. Soy tu hermana, podrías interesarte o alegrarte, podrías hacer lo que tanto pedís. Atención.

Everything but fucking perfect

Bueno se supone que estoy haciendo un ensayo de lengua, pero si me pongo a llorar asi de la nada es un poco difícil no creen? Alguien me ayuda si es que alguien lee este fucking blog? Estoy LLORANDO literalmente no sé porque... Un poquito creo que sé porque es, tengo un trauma que me dejaron hace mucho. I fucking hate relationshipss. Pero no estaba pensando en eso, solo me puse a llorar porque sí.

I wish I could tie you up in my shoes, make you feel unpretty too