I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear?

I used to live in a house, with walls and seilings and photos hanged around, I knew the way around and nothing surprised me cause it was my place. Many times I made the stupid mistake of complaining about the sense of confinement, I thought I needed to breathe new air, I thought it was stopping me from living the life that was meant for me but I never stood up for it, I never tried much. However, growth comes with an ounce of courage, and it hits you all of a sudden, it knocks you down, so you bounce inmeditaely, you just act, using this courage foolishly, rapidly, mindlessly. That day, the day that it hit me, I ran out, I flew away by the window and just ran, catching every opportunity I had to make something different, something I had not been able to do at that house, but I knew not that I could never go back home, knowing not that thas was my home. For a moment, I enjoyed the freshness of this new life, but in a few minutes it faded away with much more than my excitement. It took away my clothes, my face, my hands, I was nude out it the woods, with no walls or seilings, nothing gave me shape. There were no directions, so I kept on running in circles, finding myself stepping on the same stupid rock. There was no you, or her, or him. There was no one around, and I was mad because I thought you were not present, I was mad cause I thought I've done all for nothing, but at last I had done what would make me lose everything. When I tried going back home, I saw a house torn apart, I threw stones at it and burned it to the ground, the place in which I lived all my life, the house that gave me a name, a life, the ones that made me who I am, who I was, who I used to be. Who am I now?

Why did you have to mess with forever?

"Said love was painted gold
like all thing growing old
the paint peels and slowly falls
You already know"

Your world appears to me as a mistery in which I want to land and stay to discover what's inside, and yet with all my will, sometimes I feel its not enough to want you back, to need a peace of your life, to love you this much. I feel wrong and all the things I should love I hate and nothing seems to work. I'm endlessly craving for that that can hurt, while words are twisted from my mind to what I actually say, and again all is lost. Lately, the world me around me is changing so much, I see things I didn't know were true, I met people and confronted fears and questions I never thought I could, but still the mirror doesn't change, its says forever in my hand and you are there standing beside me, distant or close I can always hear you breathing but it's not true, it's just the mirror cause it can't be true, forever is not here and you are not even near. Vehemently, I break the image that is reflected only to run towards you and feel that it's not ended, but I as arrive to your island, my heart is done pumping, ,my body is done running, and I..and I wonder if anything is ever worthy, if anything could ever feel that real again. 

A standing ovation, she laughs at the irony of her luck. She's got nowhere to go so she waits and drinks the salt water so she can keep on jeopardizing whatever effort they've been doing, she laughs and weeps inside, trying to spill the memories so she can say goodbye, but she's too thirsy so she just starts again and laughs. "Drink a little more girl and your thoughts will be gone" he said and took the other way.But she's not strong enough.

The first day of spring-Noah and the whales

It's the first day of spring
And my life is starting over again
The trees grow, the river flows
And its water will wash away my sins
For I do believe that everyone has one chance
To fuck up their lives
But like a cut down tree, I will rise again
And I'll be bigger and stronger than ever before

For I'm still here hoping that one day you may come back
For I'm still here hoping that one day you may come back

There's a hope in every new seed
And every flower that grows upon the earth
And though I love you, and you know that
Well I no longer know what that's worth
But I'll come back to you in a year or so
And I'll rebuild, be ready to become
Oh the person, you believed in
Oh the person, that you used to love

For I'm still here hoping that one day you may come back
For I'm still here hoping that one day you may come back

Everything is not broken

Truth is, I've been writing all this time, almost like letters to some unknown love, but I can't just send them cause it's never enough and it really is too stupid you will laugh, at the melancholic sorrows that I've spilled in these letters, so I'll save them for another life and maybe in another time, but not tonight. You know I can't love you enough but I can't want this, I can't want you in this life, not tonight. 

If you were here-Cary Brothers

Goals

This is me letting go. Putting down the mirror, letting go that face I used to know so well, so she can grow into something else. Not a bug whose sound is mearly heard, not a clown who paints himself a smile, but a woman whose footprints mean something bigger than herself, one whose voice is cherished in the crowd, one who is not afraid. This is me, staring at the past like the still image of ocean at dusk, when all the voices are silenced and the waves patiently withdraw as if they were ripping off the black sand that once darkened my bones.This is me drying off the remains of water in my mind, draining the heart out so it can breath in new air. This is my new year's eve. Some I'd like to have, but they'll always be on my mind. Some I still have, so I'll hold on to them the best I can. Some I will have, so I'll find the way to speak out and welcome them in my life. It's a big world, but we'll al be fine as long as we are not scared to say goodbye.

My my, well the wheels of life have turned
As you're standing on the edge
While you watch your past get burned
And your feet, they're standing still
but the little rocks they're falling
and they'd like to drag you down
And for a minute you think what it would be like to say goodbye?
You remember all those suns that never showed up
In the most unexpected times
When you were waiting for your life to start
You remember all those trees that seemed so wise
You see the man who used his scalpel to take them down
And they never fought, they never stood strong
You felt so betrayed, you felt the wheel needs to turn the other way around
And for each one that goes, there's a thousand who come
But in the end they all leave and what has this life tought you tonight?
The wheel is always turning right
But if it's infite, why do we have to die?
And why do we wander like ghosts with schemes tied to our hands?
And if the things we hate are the ones that threaten the things we love
Why do I loath you and still need you around?
And if a singer sings his heart
why does it feel like they're talking about us?
Why?

Rise and fall, rage and grace.

If I could, I'd wrap myself in paper and glue, and paint it with the woman that's never blue, the one who can close doors and never open them back. But I was in love with a boy, a tender little toy, how could I be that woman on the picture that's hanging on my wall. But I fell for the wrong boy and how i thought. And I thought I could ask, maybe just ask if you could twist the knife back the other way around and maybe turn off the neverending verbiage that I swallow every night just so I don't have to let them fall, the drops in my face, the unspoken words, the secrets you've held and the feelings and regrets. And I thought I could ask, when will you turn into a man and maybe say goodbye, and maybe look down as if you really care, as if you really wanna apologize. But who am I? I'm just a girl, who fell in love with a boy and got jaded in the middle of his storm, I'm just a girl that played the game so I wouldn't feel alone. And he's just a boy, cold as a stone that you can't unriddle, and you will never figure,if it was all a dream, just a mere thought full of fantasy or only a story, a meaningless credulous story.

All i want

Silver night, I hear your guitar
As I look for you in one of those stars
You wash me in poison and laugh in my face
But I'm still here and I'm staying just cuz I want to be near

Fiction made it seem so hard, saying goodbye
But the bricks that broke my head
They can never compare to your waving hand
I had to imagine because you couldn't come around

So I pretended to be mad
While I fell more and more into that scandalous sound

So come,come
Dare to come back
Wash me in poison and make me little
Look how I drown while I wish you were here
Only so I can see your face
and pretend, oh I will always be ready to pretend
Whenever we are together, let's pretend

So I made you a song
But it lasted too long, and you had no choice
She was calling you home
You had your hips entangled in her legs
Couldn't seem to get out of bed
Cuz her body was a wonderland and mine a waste


So I pretended to be mad
While I fell more and more into that scandalous sound

So come,come
Dare to come back
Wash me in poison and make me little
Look how I drown while I wish you were here
Only so I can see your face
and pretend, oh I will always be ready to pretend
Whenever we are together, let's pretend


So I burned the tape and saved it with a smile
But those words, they're never out of my mind
"She couldnt believe that someone would love her
without her trying" She couldnt believe
Well maybe it was all about her,
maybe you read and pictured her

But common now, you now I can pretend
Whenever we are together, let's pretend
I'll be the girl that you need
Common you know I can pretend
Walk me home and I'll make myself blind
Whenever I see all them, who fit perfectly in your arms
So won't you let me pretend that I can be just like her?

I remember the first time 
You said you loved me 
I waited all weekend 
You never called me 

So you find her attractive 
So what if she is 
You'd like some excitement 
We could go to St. Kitts

So it goes 
On and on 
My love grows 
And yours is gone 

A lonely existence 
Well it's just a lie 
If there is a reason 
I'd like to know why 

Something I want you to know 
I've told you this once before 
Don't want you to see her no more 

Once again 
You've let me down 
Broke my heart 
And turned me round 

There's a light in the darkness 
It doesn't seem far 
There's something the matter 
That's brought us ajar 

The plane goes down 
Will not land 
Pilot's dead 
Nowhere to be found


Speed of Sound- Chris Bell

Over Elkin Avenue
The helium balloon, disappears into the sky
You give some money to a junkie
Watch as the sunny day drifts by
Can't tell you why
You said you loved me
And I kind of believe that
But these days who knows what it means
So we sat by the laundry matt with magazines and cigarettes
Talked about a million other things
These are the last words
I'll say to you
These are the last words
I'll say to you
I never saw the world the way the city looks me to today
I never thought the end would come this way
These are the last words
I'll say to you
Last night I dreamt that somebody had died
And it was one of us
I did the biggest thing that I could
But I was not enough
These are the last words
I will say to you 


Last Words - The Real Tuesday Weld

Encontrar a mitad de camino que el juego se dio vuelta y tus fichas son ahora las mías, es como tirarse a un vacío sin paracaídas y que el vacío entre en vos y vos seas impotente.
Mirar hacia atrás y entender que ese chico que tanto quiso sin un amor recíproco, sos ahora vos esperando que alguien responda a tu cariño, es como recibir un bala en el corazón, sentir el dolor y no morir.
Sentarse con los pies en la tierra y ver entonces que hay un camino correcto pero es el único que no podes tomar, eso es abstinencia. Ver el vaho en los rincones de tu cabeza e instalarme ahí aunque no me necesites, eso es no poder dejarte. Desempañar el vidrio y encontrar un bosque mas turbio que tus secretos, eso es buscarte, no encontrarte y aún así quedarme.
Saber que el juego se dio vuelta y buscar empatía para que no te escapes, eso es amarte. Y si todo terminó y estamos jugando, juguemos hasta que el jugo se acabe, soñaré que todo es real y por lo menos algo durará.

Learning to live. I

Who would have thought that the ties that were supposed to make them stronger, were only the mere cause of their weakness, of their pain. From an early age, they learned through experiences that they could only trust their families, that though they shouldn't think the worst of people, they shouldn't either rely on them. Both of them saw the way in which, each one of their closest friends grew apart with one slight mistake, they stumbled upon treason, upon mascarades that fell off the pretty faces once someone needed help. They felt the emptiness, the hollow growing inside of them and as much as it hurt them, they eventually understood that it was for the best, that loneliness could also mean growth of one self, and that their state of peace could only be leaked by the ones who deserve it. Until that someone arrived to their lives and the emotional rollercoaster was launched with no brakes. At first, none of them would let anyone come in, their eyes were veiled to the world, but somehow they were both drawn by the penetrating ideals of enduring love and romanticism, slowly they let their guards down, probably too slowly for their lovers to understand. But when they did, when they vowed to fully compromise, they sold their soul, knowing not that what looked like gold was only a picture that was already becoming a blur. And as soon as they got closer and closer, their lovers got further away, they treated them with pity, as if they were an obligation and not a choice, both of them gave up their lives for their lovers, while the lovers were trying to get a new life apart. By the time that they realized that being so attached was only so stupid and masochist if I may say, they were already too messed up, to caught up in a place where they saw no way out.

If I was stronger

Baby you've got the sort of hands to rip me apart
And baby you've got the sort of face to start this old heart
But your eyes are warning me this early morning
That my love's too big for you my love

Baby you've got the sort of laugh that waters me
And makes me grow tall and strong and proud and flattens me
I find you stunning, but you are running me down
My love's too big for you my love
My love's too big for you my love

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again

Baby you've got the sort of eyes that tell me tales
That your sort of mouth just will not say, the truth impales
That you don't need me, but you won't leave me
My love's too big for you my love
My love's too big for you my love

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again

Tell me what to do to take away the you?

And if I was stronger then I would tell you no.
And if I was stronger then I will leave this show
And if I was stronger then I would up and go
But here I am and here we go again